Dating and Alopecia

Dating is tough; dating with Alopecia can definitely be a bit of a challenge. I started to lose my hair in middle school, so all of the dating I’ve done has been with Alopecia diagnosed while wearing wigs and drawing my eyebrows. So there are a few questions I would always ask myself if I thought a guy would be interested in me.

When is the right time to tell him about my wig? Should I wait a week, month, or until we get intimate?

How should I tell him? Should I show him my bald head while I do?

Is he going to react well to this news? Will he tell others?

Is he still going to find me pretty? Will he just back off?

Now all of these questions fly through my head because I’ve had a mixture of good, neutral, and bad reactions to my Alopecia.

Let’s start with the bad reactions. Now I don’t know what was going through the guy’s heads when I told them, or what they were dealing with in their own lives. I can only say my perspective on how their actions made me feel.

One negative reaction was after a couple of dates. I was in my mid 20’s and he seemed like a nice guy. We shared interests like movies, hiking, and reading, and yet had a few differences. He had pretty random work hours, so we hung out for little amounts of time here and there for the roughly 2 weeks we were getting to know each other. Well, he thought it was weird when we would sit on the couch and watch a movie that I did not like his arm around my neck and that I seemed a little fidgety after walking in the wind. He made a few comments so in a text I explained everything. His response wasn’t what I was expected. He proceeds to state that he didn’t want an in depth relationship like the one I was clearly after and that we are just too different to continue seeing each other. That hurt, that really hurt; I felt like I was rejected solely on the fact that I was bald, which wasn’t my fault, but didn’t change my personality at all. I never responded to him and later down the road I bumped into him and said nothing, he wasn’t worth my politeness.

Another shorter negative story was when I was dating a guy for awhile and made up stories on why I didn’t have hair because I was still young and didn’t know the right way to say “I have Alopecia”. When I finally came out and told him he said he couldn’t date someone who was able to lie to him for so long and that it would really change the rest of the relationship. I saw him slowly pull away after and then we broke up. I was really heartbroken at the time, but was able to learn from that and years later we talked briefly and I explained how I’ve grown and he was really supportive.

One neutral reaction was when I told the guy I went on some dates with. He was nice, didn’t get physical or anything so I figured I wouldn’t have to tell him. I thought we were clicking and then I sent a text with the explanation of my Alopecia in it (yep it took me awhile to say it out loud). He said “oh ok” and then we never spoke about it again. I was in a way fine with that, but in another way was confused that he had absolutely no questions or anything to say about it. I stopped communication in a nice way because he just didn’t seem like the person I was first interested in.

So for the good now! The current guy I am with has been amazing. He dated women who wore wigs before me (cosmetic reasons), so I later learned he knew I was wearing one before I said anything, but wanted to wait for me to bring it up so I would be comfortable. So I told him (in person not through text), he said that it didn’t change who I was at all and that I was beautiful in every different look he has ever seen me in. He kisses my bald head, helps me shave the bits on the back of my head, and will help place hairs out of place from my wig back into place while we are out. He is part of the reason I was able to have the courage of starting this site and “coming out”. One other good experience is from the serious relationship I had before the current guy. While I was still hidden about my Alopecia he encouraged me to not wear my wig when we were home, hiking, at his family’s camp (who were also supportive), and I truly appreciated that.

So when you are dating with Alopecia I can honestly say I don’t have the answers to the questions I mentioned. Every guy/girl’s reaction will be a little different. The advice I would hope you take away from the post is to be yourself. If someone really has a negative reaction to your Alopecia that’s probably a warning sign that their character is crap and superficial.

Dating is a hard thing to do if you look and feel completely “normal” and wanted, so to try and date while feeling like an outcast because you’re bald sucks. But putting yourself out there just a little can open the possibility of finding that super supportive guy/girl that will think you’re beautiful, morning, noon, and night. Don’t get discouraged, you are a person that deserves happiness and Alopecia should not take that away from you!